Lyrics of 'The Inquisition' by Mel Brooks

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The inquistion
Let's begin
The inquistion
Look out sin
We have a mission
To convert the Jews
(Jew ja Jew ja Jew ja Jews)
We're gonna teach
Them wrong from right
We're gonna help
Them see the light
And make an offer
That they can't refuse
(That the Jews just can't refuse)

Confess (confess, confess)
Don't be boring
Say yes (say yes, say yes)
Don't be dull

A fact
You're ignoring
It's better to lose
Your skullcap
Than your skull

The inquistion, what a show
The inquistion, here we go
We know you're wishing
That we'd go away
But the Inquistion's here
And it's here to stay
The inquistion, oh boy
The inquistion, what a joy
The inquistion, oy oy

I was sitting
In a temple
I was minding
My own business
I was listening
To a lovely Hebrew mass
Then these papus
Persons plunge in
And they throw me in a

Dungeon, and they shove
A red hot poker up my ass

Is that considerate?
Is that polite?
And not a tube
Of Preparation H in sight

I'm sitting
Plicking chickens
And I'm looking
Through the pickings

And suddenly these guys
Bring down my balls
I didn't even know them
And they grabbed me
By the scrotum and

They started
Playing ping pong
With my balls

Oy, the agony
Ooh, the shame
To make
My privates public
For a game

The inquistion, what a show
The inquistion, here we go
We know you're wishing
That we'd go away
But the inquistion's here
And it's here to

Hey, Torquemada
Whaddaya say?
I just got back
From the auto-da-fé
Auto-da-fé
What's an auto-da-fé?
It's what you oughtn't
To do but you do anyway

Skit skat voodely
Vat tootin de day

Will you convert?
No, no, no, no
Will you confess?
No, no, no, no
Will you revert?
No, no, no, no
Will you say yes?
No, no, no, no

Now I ask in a nice way
I said pretty please
I bent their ears

Now I'll work on their knees

Hey, Torquemada
Walk this way
We got a little game
That you might wanna play
So pull that handle
Try your luck
Who knows, Torq
You might win a buck
Alright

Put it in the car
(In the car 2x)

How we doing?
Any converts today?
Not a one, nay, nay, nay
We've flattened
Their fingers
We branded their buns
Nothing is working
Send in the nuns

The Inquistion, what a show
The Inquistion, here we go
We know you're wishing
That we'd go away
So, c'mon you Moslems
And you Jews
We got big news
For all of yous
You better change
Your point of views today
'Cause the inquistion's here
And it's here to stay

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It's important to note that Mel Brooks, in live concerts, has not always been or will be faithful to the lyrics of the song The Inquisition... So it's better to focus on what the song The Inquisition says on the record.

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