Lyrics of 'Dance Contest' by Frank Zappa

Fz:
"one of, one of the things that i like best about playing in new york is this particular place, because it has - it has a stage that is conducive to, how you say in the trade, audience participation. now if there's one thing that i really like, it's, uh, audience participation. now listen... i gotta figure out something that i can, uh - do you think we should have another dance contest tonight? oh, hey - the injured person dance contest. ah, well, let's see...awright, i'll tell you what we're going to do. here's a, here's a guy who really wants to be in the dance contest aw-reety, aw-righty, hey. okay..."

Butch:
"you are great, man - you are great. you are the best, baby. do 'dinah-moe humm.'"

Fz:
"all right, now wait a minute - what's your name? hey, hey - what's your name?"

Butch:
"butch."

Fz:
"awright, the dynamic butch. here's, here's a girl that wants to dance with butch. what's your name?"

Lena:
"lena."

Fz:
"what?"

Lena:
"lena."

Fz:
"lena, meet butch. okay, lena and butch, couple number one. heh heh. okay, let's see - that guy there, with his...that - that one there with the teeshirt on - no, no, the other one - this one - no, no - no no no, wait a minute, wait... well, you're - actually, you're very nice, though. would you like to come up here? ...okay, but d'you think you can behave yourself? you, you're sure you can behave yourself? ...okay, what's your name?"

Guy:
"tom, man. (mumble, mumble) you, baby, i (mumble, mumble)(gurgle) you (mumble, mmf, etc.)."

Guy:
"arrgh, mmmf, glurg, etc."

Fz:
"awright, now wait a minute. awright, awright, now wait..."

Guy:
"(mumble, mmf.) ugliness! ugliness!"

Other guy:
"frank, you're my buddy! arrgh, mmf."

Fz:
"awright, wait a minute, wait a minute. i have an important message to deliver to all the cute people all over the world. if you're out there and you're cute, maybe you're beautiful, i just want to tell you somethin' - there's more of us ugly mother-fuckers than you are, hey-y, so watch out. now..."

Guy (butch?):
"will you bring my girlfriend on stage, maybe?"

Fz:
"sure. all right, now you - he wants to get his girlfriend - go get your girlfriend."

Girl:
"hey zap!"

Fz:
"good to see you again."

Girl:
"squeak!"

Fz:
"i know."

Guy:
"i ain't no fucking queer."

Fz:
"all right, now look, here's what we're going to do. awright. now. this - they'll be mashed, i'll save them, i'll save them for later."

Guy:
"i'm not a fucking queer."

Fz:
"this man is trying desperately to let everybody know that he's not a queer. he's not queer, he's not queer. awright, and now... you are going to dance, like you've never danced before..."