Lyrics of 'The Proper Gander' by Bobby Darin

There was a white mouse consultation
Down at the county fair
All the church mice, field mice and not
so nice mice
Everybody gathered there
You see the muckidy muck he was
speakin', tellin' them where it was at
He said hear, hear there ain't nothin' to fear
Except a three eyed Siamese cat
And the crowd was stunned
See, no single mouse had ever seen one
He said don't be scared
We're prepared.

Then he held up a great big picture
So every mouse could see
What a three eyed Siamese cat looked like
The face of the enemy
And the crowd let out such a shudder
As they lined up file and rank
Starin' at a twenty foot picture frame
Surroundin' a twenty foot blank
Just empty space
But every single mouse
Swore he saw a face
He said don't be scared
We're prepared

Then the muckidy much started screamin'
Yellin' till his voice gave out
He said now that you've seen what the
cat looks like
Gonna tell you what he's all about
He said he don't eat cheese on Friday
And he goes around lickin' his paws
He's awful mean and he loves to keep clean
And believes in changin' laws
And the crowd went wild
And every mouse began to fear for his child
Don't scared
We're prepared.

Now two times two is forty-five
The muckidy muck explained
And the flat side of the moon is green
And the farmer don't need no rain
And the night is light and might is right
And Supermouse is on our side
And the three eyed Siamese cat's a plague
From which nobody can hide
And the mice all cringed
The whiskers of that cat would soon
be singed
Don't be scared
We're prepared.

Then the muckidy muck started singin'
Through his great paternal grin
And the church mice, field mice
All the patriotic mice
Everybody chimed right in
They sang this land is mice land
Mice country tis of thee
Well my father took it from the beaver rat
Nobody's gonna take it from me
And the mice all cheered
The sound that they were makin' sure
was weird
Dont' be scared
We're prepared.

Then the muckidy muck said line up here
Everybody give a buck
To fight the three eyed Siamese cat
takes money
And a little bit of luck
We've got a million of our best young mice
To go out and volunteer
To give up what they're livin' for
To make the cat disappear
Let's give 'em a hand
Yay
We don't want that cat invadin' our land
No way
We're not scared
We're prepared.

Then a mighty strange thing happened
Guess you could call it fate
You see, a gust of wind blew the picture
frame down
And it landed on the muckidy muck's head
And the mice they all went crazy
For the first time they saw the lie
It was all a hoax on just simple folks
And the muckidy muck must die
And die he did
The members of his staff they just fled
They were scared
Hah
Just not prepared.