Lyrics of 'My First Christmas' by Trout Fishing In America

On my first Christmas I was zero years old
I don't remember but they tell me all about it.
It was a silent night till I woke up and cried,
"Peace on earth!" somebody shouted.
On my first Noel I made a big, bad smell
The merry gentlemen were all dismayed.
What child is this going rum-pa-pum-pum?
Hark, the herald angels did say.

I was a joy to the world on my first Christmas,
Joy to the world on a midnight clear,
A joy to the world on my first Christmas,
I was zero years old that year.

On my first Christmas I was zero years old
I don't remember but they say it wasn't right.
Yuletide caroling and gay appareling
Smelled like away in a manger that night.
I was doing all right with my Christmas of white
'Til they had to go and burp me once more.
While the shepherds were watching and the sheep were flocking,
I was flocking all over the floor.

I was a joy to the world on my first Christmas,
Joy to the world on a midnight clear,
A joy to the world on my first Christmas,
I was zero years old that year.

On my first Christmas I was zero years old,
I don't remember but they say it wasn't right.
Just a little drummer boy pounding hammers on the floor
Singing fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la all night.
They really don't know how I swallowed that bow,
The jingle bell or the one horse sleigh,
But ho, ho, ho, we went dashing through the snow
To the doctor on Christmas Day.

I was a joy to the world on my first Christmas,
Joy to the world on a midnight clear,
A joy to the world on my first Christmas,
Wait 'til I tell you what I did the next year.