Lyrics of 'Poisoning Pigeons In The Park' by Tom Lehrer

I'd like to take you now on wings of song, as it were, and try and help you forget perhaps for a while your drab, wretched lives. Here's a song all about spring-time in general, and in particular, about one of the many delightful pastimes the coming of spring affords us all

Spring is here, a-suh-puh-ring is here
Life is skittles and life is beer
I think the loveliest time of the year is the spring
I do, don't you? 'Course you do
But there's one thing that makes spring complete for me
And makes ev'ry Sunday a treat for me

All the world seems in tune
On a spring afternoon
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park
Ev'ry Sunday you'll see
My sweetheart and me
As we poison the pigeons in the park

When they see us coming, the birdies all try an' hide
But they still go for peanuts when coated with cyanide
The Sun's shining bright
Ev'rything seems all right
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park

We've gained notoriety
And caused much anxiety
In the Audubon Society
With our games
They call it impiety
And lack of propriety
And quite a variety
Of unpleasant names
But it's not against any religion
To want to dispose of a pigeon

So if Sunday you're free
Why don't you come with me
And we'll poison the pigeons in the park
And maybe we'll do
In a squirrel or two
While we're poisoning pigeons in the park

We'll murder them all amid laughter and merriment
Except for the few we take home to experiment
My pulse will be quickenin'
With each drop of strychnine
We feed to a pigeon
It just takes a smidgin!
To poison a pigeon in the park