Lyrics of 'Casper's Dictum' by The County Medical Examiners
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Banished from the medical community
One brilliant German forensic pathologist
Johann Casper, his nascent methods on
The rate of rot made him a cunning medico-criminalist
The heady chemical stench of decay set him free
To discover putrefaction patterns others failed to see
Internal and external bacteria coalesced
And illustrated their wisdom in a semi-liquid mess
Professor of Forensic Pathology
Disgraced by Berlin doctors
Misunderstood forensic genius
Nineteenth century medicine
Rejected forensics and outlawed him
Amongst reeking gassy corpses
Casper hatched his dark science
Medical examiners now unite
Bring Casper's Dictum to scientific light
[Casper's Dictum:]
"A week in air-two weeks in water
Two weeks in water-eight weeks in ground!"
Ballooning stiffs and liquescent corpses
Bursting models for Casper's Dictum
Streptococci and Clostridium Welchii
Battle for postmortem bacterial supremacy
Autolytic conversion hosts and breeds
While putrefactive ooze squirts from the seams
Casper draped in a rotten viscera
Popping bleb and bullae sebum
Navigating the semi-fluid black mess
Charting decay for his seminal dictum
He noticed that corpses found submerged
Decay half as fast as those uninterred
Exhumed carcasses revealed to him
Four times less rot than those in the swim
He penned a text in 1850
Called Forensic Dissection (naturally)
His dictum was touted a medicolegal success
Even Rudolf Virchow was begrudgingly impressed
[Casper's Dictum:]
"A week in air-two weeks in water
Two weeks in water-eight weeks in ground!"
Ballooning stiffs and liquescent corpses
Bursting models for Casper's Dictum
Sulphemethaemoglobin stains, putridity marbles
Blood is haemolysed
The unyielding hot logic of decay persists
Casper is immortalized
Before predation can strip the corpse clean
Casper graces the grisly crime scene
From waterlogged stiffs soughing their flesh
To exhumed partially skeletonized mulch
His ghastly rule of thumb is well known
From recently deceased to sun-bleached bone
Forensics and anatomy are hideously wed
Casper's science of the dead
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