Lyrics of 'The Carpet Is Lava' by The Adventures of Duane and BrandO

Get your ass in the kitchen!
Do what you is told.
The sink is full of dishes.
The tub is full of mold.
I have no clean underwear.
I'll have to think of more chores.
Get your ass on your knees with a toothbrush and scrub my fuckin' floors.

Duane... dude, what the fuck are you doing?
How many times do i have to tell you, dude...
You're doin' it all wrong...

Ya gotta do it like this:
Kick her in the face in the jaw.
Kick that bitch 'til ya can't kick no more.
Then ya do a little jig like this.
(like this?)
Then ya hit her in the mouth with ya fist.
(with my fist...)

Awww shiiit...
Brando said knock you out.
I'm about to show you what it's all about.
I'll throw a motherfuckin' shoe (thats right!)
And then i'll tell her what to fuckin' do. (uh huh!)
She loves the abuse, don't let her lie to you!
A woman ain't nothin' but a thing to screw.

Hey guys i brought the game with me... what the fuck...

I'm gonna call the cops!
You can't hit a woman like that!
Ya gotta buy 'em flowers!
Where's my baseball bat?!

Let's put his ass in the trunk.
Take him to the river then dump this punk.

(911, what's your emergency?)
They hit me in the face! (yeah?)
They hit me in the jaw! (mhmm?)
I'm sorry but i had noone else to call.
They threw a fuckin' shoe at me and broke my nose!
My eye's puffin' like a motherfuckin' crescent roll. (yeah?)
When they headed outside i locked the door.
I had to drag my lifeless body all across the floor.
I'm bleedin' real bad and i got 2 black eyes!
(bitch you should probably listen better next time.)