Lyrics of 'The Winner' by Jim Stafford

The hulk of a man with a beer in his hand looked like a drunk old fool
And I knew if I hit him right, why I could knock him off a that stool
But everybody they said, Watch out, hey thats Tiger Man McCool
Hes had a whole lot of fights, and hes always come out a winner.
Yeah, hes a winner

But Id had myself about five too many and I walked up tall and proud
I faced his back and I faced the fact that he had never stooped or bowed
I said, Tiger Man, youre a pussycat, and a hush fell on the crowd
I said lets you and me go outside and see whos a winner

Well he gripped the bar with one big hairy hand and he braced against the wall
He slowly looked up from his beer, my God that man was tall
He said, Boy, I see youre a scrapper, so just before you fall
Im gonna tell you just a little, bout what it means to be a winner.

He said, Now you see these bright white smiling teeth, you know they aint my own
Mine rolled away like Chiclets down the street in San Antone
But I left that person, cursin, nursin seven broken bones
And he, uh, only broke, uh, three of mine
That makes me the winner

He said, Now behind this grin I got steel pins, that holds my jaw in place
A trophy of my most successful motorcycle race
And each morning when I wake and touch this scar across my face
It reminds me of all I got by being a winner

Now this broken back was a dyin act of a handsome Harry Clay
That sticky Cincinnati night I stole his wife away
But that woman she gets uglier, and she gets meaner every day
But I got her, boy, and that make me a winner

He said, You gotta speak loud when you challenge me, son
Cause its hard for me to hear
With this twisted neck and these migraine pains
And this big old cauliflower ear
And if it wasnt for this glass eye of mine, why Id shed a happy tear
To think of all your gonna get by being a winner

I got ar-th-rit-ic elbows, son I got dislocated knees
From picking fights with thunderstorms and chargin into trees
And my noses been broken so often, I might lose it if I sneeze
And son, you say you still wanna be a winner?

Now you remind me of my younger days with your knuckles a-clenchin white
But boy, Im gonna sit right here and sip this beer all night
And if theres somethin that you gotta gain or prove
By winning some silly fight
Well, OK, I quit, I lose, youre the winner

Oh, I stumbled from that barroom, not so tall and not so proud
And behind me I still hear the hoots and laughter of the crowd
But my eyes still see and my nose still works
And my teeth are still in my mouth
And you know, I guess that makes me the winner