Lyrics of 'This Isn't Hogwarts' by Hank Green

I hate this place,
I can barely keep the misery off my face,
Yeah there's one place i much rather be,
Taking transfiguration and arithmancy,
And hanging with my friends in the owlery,
But instead i'm learning parts of speech,
And trying not to fall asleep,
And avoiding the only girl in school who might like me,

It's so grotesque,
When the guy sitting next to me drools all over his desk,
And i almost raise my hand to complain,
But then i realize i wanna be doin' the same,
So i put my head down on my desk as well,
And suddenly im learning a spell,
To make my teacher's head swell,
But then he wakes me up,
And i can't help but yell,
Engorgio!!

This isn't hogwarts this is a concrete box,
And the pictures on the wall are never gonna talk,
And the teachers don't care that the kids don't try,
And the most magical thing we have is fluorescent lights,
And they don't put you in hufflepuff if your not cool,
Instead they sort you in the parking lot after school,
And i think if i looked into the mirror of erised,
I'd be wearing wizard robes of gold and red,
I'm not sayin' i'm not proud to be a nerd,
But public school ain't no place for a wizard
Yeah public school ain't no place for a wizard

Y'know whats gross,
When the lunch meat looks like three day old soggy toast,
But as i ate it anyway i overheard,
This guy i hardly know callin' me a nerd,
So i cast "sectum sempra" on him inside my mind,
I wish there were house elves makin' my food,
And everything was perfectly spiced,
And the only one being rude was the poltergeist,

And here's what's true,
I'd do pretty much anything to go to wizard school,
I'd even call dolores umbridge my friend,
If it meant i'd never have to go to gym again,
But i look around at all of this crap that's part of my life,
No ghost stalkin' the halls,
Or hangin' in the bathroom stalls,
And the stairs don't move,
Cause there's no stairs at all.

This isn't hogwarts this is a concrete box,
And the pictures on the wall are never gonna talk,
And the teachers don't care that the kids don't try,
And the most magical thing we have is fluorescent lights,
And they don't put you in hufflepuff if your not cool,
Instead they sort you in the parking lot after school,
And i think if i looked into the mirror of erised,
I'd be wearing wizard robes of gold and red,
I'm not sayin' i'm not proud to be a nerd,
But public school ain't no place for a wizard
Yeah public school ain't no place for a wizard