Lyrics of 'No Crown for Balin' by Glass Hammer

Balin Longbeard was his name
A Dwarf of great renown was he
This rude and nasty Dwarf of fame
'Twas never known for courtesy

While making wind in crowded rooms
His nose ran constantly
And all good folk found Balin lacked
A single trace of modesty

But Balin was a rich old thing
As many famous bards are known to sing
Though Balin wanted to be king
The Dwarven folk would never hear of it
In fact they showed a fear of it
And sensible were they!

Never mind the Orcs he'd slain
All his victories were in vain
He'd even killed a Troll or two
But a Dwarven crown he ne'er could gain

For Balin was a nasty sort
The people all could smell him
This vile old gent would not relent
For none of them would tell him

But Balin was a rich old thing
As many famous bards are known to sing
Though Balin wanted to be king
The Dwarven folk would never hear of it
In fact they showed a fear of it
And sensible were they!

If he would only take a bath
Then the Dwarves might ease their wrath
He filled the tub, they gathered round
They had to see the aftermath

So bad he smelt the soap did melt
The filth would not come off him
He turned the water black as mud
And so the Dwarves did scoff at him

But Balin was a rich old thing
As many famous bards are known to sing
Though Balin wanted to be king
The Dwarven folk would never hear of it
In fact they showed a fear of it
And sensible were they!