Lyrics of 'Weed Card' by Garfunkel and Oates
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Everyone knows marijuana's dangerous
And medical pot is really strong
That's why it's so hard in California
To get your weed card
Unless something's really wrong
Gonna pay a visit to my doctor
It's a long shot but I gotta try
She hands me a list of all the ailments
I can have to qualify
Can't believe what I am reading
This is just what I've been needing
A government supply
To get legally high
Weed card, that's what I need
Hardly ever, okay, always
But it's not an addiction
'Cause my doctor gave me a prescription
You can get your card for having headaches, bad dreams or anxiety
Propensity for drugs or alcohol, anorexia or obesity
Too fat, too thin, either way you win
Carpal tunnel syndrome, color blindness
St-st-stuttering, t-t-tooth decay
Fatigue, depression, motion sickness
Impotence or TMJ
You can smoke to quit cigarettes
For asthma or motherfucking Tourette's
It's a dream come true
There's nothing pot can't do
Weed card, that's what I need
Hardly ever, okay, always
But it's not an addiction
'Cause my doctor gave me a prescription
Got back pain, need Mary Jane
Can't handle this, need cannabis
Got a stomach ache, gotta wake and bake
Have an injury, need TCH
Get fucked up for your hyperhydrosis
Which is sweaty palms in case you need a diagnosis
It's not a crime, it's 420 time
Weed card, that's what I need
Hardly ever, okay, always
But it's not an addiction
'Cause my doctor gave me a prescription
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