Lyrics of 'Wish I Had a Portal Gun' by College Humor

Wish I had a portal
Wish I wish I had a portal gun
Wish I had a portal
Wish I wish I had a portal gun

To be an aperture science client
Would be like a dream
Hey yo my brain has been cravin' it back
Since portal hit steam

No commute to work I'd have
The portal express
With a blue one in my closet
Orange one at my desk

When my roommate is annoying and been
Toying with my stuff
I'd shoot a portal underneath him and just
Punch him in the nuts

I'd order delivery get it
Fast like digiorno
'Cuz once it leaves the restaurant
It goes right through a portal

I'm never late for a date
Just ask my lady friends
By using portal physics
I'm always impressing them

Forget making reservations
I would never have to wait
Portal in the right location
I've got someone else's plate

I could sneak into a party
Where they didn't invite me
And be dealing out bacardi
While some dudes try to fight me

Would always end well
Dealing with these mere mortals
Aperture handhelds
Got me thinkin' with portals

Wish I had a portal
Wish I wish I had a portal gun
I'm not mute like freeman yo
But please don't make me beg for one
Wish I had a portal
Wish I wish I had a portal gun
I'd be cool as chell
Oh I could do a speedy grocery run

Life gave me lemons
I don't make lemonade
I'm mad like cave johnson
I got lemon grenades

The world is filled with puzzles
I could solve with portal physics
I would brave the chamber struggles
Just to escape family visits

I'd be traveling like a maveric
Surfaces all orange and blue
When I'm locked out my apartment
I'd use the companion cube

Oh glados take me to your center
'Cuz I want to get enriched
I'm dying thinkin'bout your science
I'd do anything for it

Yeah, I'd shoot two portals in a vertical line
Undo my belt, lean in and
Change pants without having to look down
Also I'd suck my own dick
Yeah bitches science now your cumming through portals