Lyrics of 'I'll Never Tell' by Buffy Musical Episode
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Anya:
This is the man
That I plan to entangle
Isn't he fine?
My claim to fame
Was to maim and to mangle
Vengeance was mine
But I'm out of the biz
The name I made I'll trade for his
The only trouble is...
I'll never tell
Xander:
She is the one
She's such wonderful fun
Such passion and grace
Warm in the night
When I'm right in her tight -
Embrace, tight embrace!
I'll never let her go
The love we've known can only grow
There's just one thing that - no
I'll never tell
Xander and Anya:
'Cause there's nothing to tell
Anya:
He snores
Xander:
She wheezes
Anya:
Say 'housework' and he freezes
Xander:
She eats these skeezy cheeses
That I can't describe
Anya:
I talk
He breezes
Xander:
She doesn't know what 'please' is
Anya:
His penis got diseases
From a Chumash tribe
Xander and Anya:
The vibe gets kind of scary
Xander:
Like she thinks I'm ordinary
Anya:
Like it's all just temporary
Xander:
Like her toes are kind of hairy
Xander and Anya:
But it's all very well
'Cause god knows, I'll never tell
Anya:
When things get rough, he
Just hides behind his Buffy
Now look - he's gettin' huffy
'Cause he knows that I know
Xander:
She clings
She's needy
She's also really greedy
She never -
Anya:
His eyes are beady
Xander:
This is my verse! Hello?
She -
(tempo changes, Anya dances)
Anya: (spoken)
Look at me! I'm dancin' - crazy!
(Xander joins in - dance break continues)
Xander and Anya:
You know
Xander:
You're quite the charmer
Anya:
My knight in armor
Xander:
You're the cutest of the Scoobies
With your lips as red as rubies
And your firm yet supple -
Tight embrace!
(dance break - fast then slow)
Anya:
He's swell
Xander:
She's sweller
Anya:
He'll always be my feller
Xander:
That's why I'll never tell her
That I'm petrified
Anya:
I've read this tale
There's wedding, then betrayal
I know that come the day
I'll want to run and hide
Anya and Xander:
I lied
I said it's easy
I've tried
But there's these fears I can't quell
Xander:
Is she looking
For a pot of gold?
Anya:
Will I look good
When I've gotten old?
Xander:
Will our lives become too stressful
If I'm never that successful?
Anya:
When I get so worn and wrinkly
That I look like David Brinkley?
Xander:
Am I crazy?
Anya:
Am I dreamin'?
Xander:
Am I marrying a demon?
Xander and Anya:
We could really raise the beam
In makin' marriage a hell
So thank god, I'll never tell
I swear that I'll never tell
Xander:
My lips are sealed
Anya:
I take the fifth
Xander:
Nothin' to see
Move it along
Xander and Anya:
I'll never...
Tell!
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